Raw Emotion
by Nuttabutta
Summary: Neela and Gallant have a fight, causing a violent accident. Ray enters, and secrets are revealed.
1. Chapter 1

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Hello. This is my first Reela fic, so please be gentle Admittedly, I haven't watched masses of ER, so if some facts are wrong or misused, I say sorry in advance. Please review!

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Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'.

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**Raw Emotion.**

"Neela, this isn't fair on me. What about my needs? My wants and fears? Don't you think I want to make this marriage to work too? Don't you think that this is breaking my heart as much as it's breaking yours?" his voice echoed through the empty apartment, as the anger rose in the young man's chest. He clenched his fists in frustration, and tried to control his temper while he still had it within reach.

"Actually, I don't think your heart is breaking, Michael. I just think that your safety blanket's suddenly been ripped apart. I was never a wife to you, never a lover or a friend. I was a convenience, a normality that you could give or take however you pleased. I was simply always there. You knew that you could come back here, and I'd always be waiting for you with open arms, and now I've finally turned my back on you, you suddenly want to make this sham of a marriage work again?" Neela's voice rose with passion as she placed the force of her heart behind her words. She'd wanted to say this for so long, she'd felt it for an age, but her heart and head hadn't been connected for a long time.

"This isn't fair on me, as soon as I finally move on, get over you and find a new centre to my life; you come back and try to rip my plan to shreds." She finished her speech with an undignified sigh, and rubbed her palms together in what she hoped looked like a sombre fashion. She couldn't live her life like this anymore. She had finally gotten her life together, in search of happiness once again. She'd written a final letter to Michael, one final montage to release all her emotions and pain, and with that final letter, she'd felt she'd set herself free. She'd posted it and felt a huge weight lift from her chest, she felt like she could finally breathe again.

But then Michael decided to come back from Iraq to sort this mess out, a mess he couldn't see he had caused. He had stormed back into Neela's life and pulled the rug from under her feet once again.

"Neela, I love you so much, you mean the world to me. While I was out there in Iraq, in the war, all I thought about was you. You were the thought that kept me warm at night, and the vision that gave me a reason to keep going. You stopped me from giving up, you saved me." Michael placed a gently hand on Neela's shoulder. She flinched beneath his pressure, and felt uncomfortable under his watchful gaze. She refused to meet his eyes, and only concentrated on a small mark on his shirt, right next to his left armpit.

Michael, after realising the discomfort his wife was in, removed his hand from her body, and placed it back against his own in a dejected manner. "I saw what loneliness did to those men out there, Neela. They went crazy, knowing that there was nothing left for them when they got home. But I wasn't lonely, sure I was alone, but I never felt it. Because no matter where I was, or who I was with, or what I was doing, I knew you were there with me. Looking over me, helping me and loving me." Before Michael had even finished his sentence, his wife was straight in there with a response. She spat each word out with venom and resentment, and it chipped away at Michael's lasting soul. He was falling apart in front of her, but it seemed she didn't to notice as she oured out all her built up frustrations and emotions.

"What about me? I never felt you here with me when I needed you! When I was crying my eyes out, unable to sleep, who do you think rocked me to sleep in their arms? And when I was vomiting in an alleyway after a rough night trying to down my sorrows, who was there holding my hair and walking me home?"

"Neela," Michael tried, wanting to put an end to her words. They pained him, and she knew it, yet she wasn't willing, or able, to stop. Neela has visions of all the memories she was bringing to light once again. She had a blurred image of each incident, and she remembered them with a softness that was unexpected. She saw herself crying with desperation and sorrow in Ray's arms, as he kissed the top of her forehead affectionately. He'd rocked her for 2 hours straight before she'd fallen asleep, but he didn't pause once. He was as determined to get her to sleep as she was, and he knew that while he couldn't stop her pain, he was most certainly going to give her the gift of rest. He'd slowly cradled her in his arms, whispering reassuring words into her ears, as he sat up in his bed. He'd stayed awake all the time she was asleep, simply watching her. He didn't want to risk him sleeping only for her to wake up. He cared about her too much to think of himself.

Neela also saw herself doubled over her limp body, pouring out her guts onto an empty alleyway floor while Ray winced behind her, holding her hair back and rubbing circles on her lower back with his hand. He'd waited until she was over, and sat on the floor with her a while, making sure she was over the worst of it, before walking her home and putting her to bed. Neela knew Ray was a jackass most of the time, but it was those moments, those stolen instants that made Neela feel for him something that she'd admittedly never felt for Michael. Neela was terrified of her own heart, and kept trying to convince herself that she wasn't falling in love with her roommate, her friend and colleague. But it was to no avail, Neela was falling and she knew it, but what frightened her most, was that is she was falling, would he be there to catch her?

"No! When I was put down by patients, or even another doctor, or when I had to run into a burning building, why weren't you the one to shout at Platt in defence of me, or the one to console me when all I needed was a hug? Why was it always someone else doing those things for me, when all I needed was you? Michael, our marriage is over; you closed the lid on whatever feelings I once held for you." Neela shook her head in defeat, and felt the tears stinging up behind her eyes. She rubbed at her forehead tiredly, and pleaded with herself to stay strong for just a little bit longer. Just a little bit. She'd never broken down in front of her husband, and she wasn't about to start.

"Neela you don't mean that, you didn't mean what you said in that letter. You still love me, I know it. You can't switch off a feeling so strong as easily as that." Michael was on his final legs, he was begging Neela, pleading with her for one final chance. One final lifeline. Michael felt like his life was crumbling down around him, and it was like he could do nothing to stop it. No matter what he said to Neela, or how we tried to prove it, she wasn't budging.

Neela fell down onto the sofa behind her with a dull thud. She placed her head in her hands slowly, and forced the tears to go. She was stronger than this, she didn't cry. She was Neela, hardly anyone had seen her cry, and most of them were mistakes that Neela wished more than anything she could remove.

"Michael," she started, looking up at him as a single tear fell from her left eye, swimming down her cheek until she roughly pushed it away with the back of her hand. "I don't think I ever loved you." She stated the truth with such certainty; it caused Michael to lose all breath that was once situated in his body. He opened his mouth to say something, anything as a weak attempt at a reply, but his lips forced themselves shut with a bitter snap. He couldn't look at his wife any longer; he didn't trust himself or his temper. So without another word or glance, he grabbed his coat that he'd earlier flung across the room in rage, and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. As soon as the door shut, he stopped. He fell back against the door behind him, and slid down it, pulling his knees up to his chest.

Neela's face found its self back into her hands, but this time she wasn't forcing her tears to stop. She was pushing them through her eyes with force, needing the comfort of a raw emotion to bring the life back into her. Her body rocked with the sobs that her heart was beating out, each set of blows louder than the last. She thanked god that Ray wasn't in to see her like this, or she would have had to hold her emotion in for longer than capable. She didn't like showing her emotion, and hated the fact that people would think less of her if they saw her cry. She knew as soon as Ray saw her cry, he'd changed, and he treated her different for days afterwards. She'd done things that would usually send him into a frenzy, but over the days proceeding her tearful confessions, he'd simply let them pass, and with a genuine smile he'd let her be in peace. But she didn't like to be treated different, she liked him being a jackass. She liked his sarcastic comments and energetic arguments. They gave her something to look forward to; something to pinpoint on her day and know that he'd say or do something in jest that would send her into fits of laughter. Of course not all arguments were fun, or laughable, but to her, any interaction with Ray was an interesting interaction.

She couldn't remember where Ray was tonight, but she was beyond sure that he wasn't working. If she had been more rational then she would have moved herself to the bedroom to save the embarrassment of Ray walking in on her, but she was beyond the point of caring as she changed her position on the sofa. She took her head out of her hands for a moment, before moving so her back was resting again the side arm rest. She brought her knees up to her chest, and rested her head back into their original sanctuary of her hands. Her hair fell around her fingers, brushing against them with every rack of her body. Her chest felt like it was closing in as her cries became more intense, not to mention louder.

Neela felt like her world was caving in, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. And that's when it happened. That's when the nightmare became reality.

"Neela, I want a divorce."

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I have more chapters written up, but I'll see how the reviewing goes first before posting them. 


	2. Chapter 2

_Yeah, okay, I suck._

_I know, I'm a friggin' moron. But I've had some pretty intense family stuff going on, and this fic wasn't top of my priorities. However, I was looking through my files and I saw this second chapter hidden away. So, I haven't really had time to check it over, but I figured I'd post it anyway. I do have another chapter that I'll post soon, hopefully, but this is me, so don't hold your breath._

_Remember, reviews make a very happy writer. You wanna make me happy, right?_

_Disclaimer: you have to rub it in, don't'cha? I don't own nothing._

Michael had re-entered the apartment without Neela even noticing. She lifted her head up slowly, and met the rock eyes of her husband. She furrowed her eyebrows and coughed silently, before shifting her body so she was facing him.

"Divorce," Neela repeated. She'd wanted to divorce, she knew it was coming, and yet it still didn't make the pain hurt any less. Divorce seemed too final and regretful. It was like you were taking a big magic marker and crossing out the last few months of her life. Neela definitely wanted this, but it still gave her heart a stinging pain that she neither expected nor wanted.

"Yes. But… I want to know something from you, something that… I need… I deserve, to know." Michael said. His voice was soft without being kind, and his face was hard and solid, facing forward. In fact he looked just like a solider. The irony was certainly not lost on Neela. She stood up slowly, wiping under her nose delicately as her sobbing subsided.

"Okay, what would you like to know?" Neela asked, looking at Michael's face. His eyes looked empty and broken, with tiny red bags underneath. He'd been crying, Neela noticed with guilt.

"Is there someone else?" this time Michael looked Neela straight in the eyes. His gaze bore down on her viciously, and she couldn't bring herself to look at him any longer.

The question caught her off guard, and she didn't know how to answer. The truth was there wasn't anyone else. She wasn't having an affair, or being unfaithful. However she was in love with someone else. Did that count if she hadn't acted upon her feelings? Was she didn't being unfaithful, was she still cheating with her heart? Neela didn't have a clue how to respond. She guessed as her marriage was already over, she couldn't do anymore damage, therefore she'd tell him the truth.

"Well… No, I haven't had an affair. I could never cheat on you. But… during the time you've been away, yes; I have fallen in love with someone else. They don't know it yet, and I'm not even sure if I'm going to act upon it-" Michael forced himself to turn around in both anger and shame. Anger for the fact that he'd let this happen to his marriage. He'd let his wife fall in love with another man, he'd let her fall out of love with him. And shame, for the fact that this was his sham of a marriage. She was his wife. This marriage would always be with him, with or without her. He would always have to explain this to further lovers and friends. And he was ashamed of it.

He had to clench his fists in fury as Neela carried on, adding fuel to the already out of control fire. "I didn't plan it, it just happened. A lot happened while you were away, a lot changed. I changed. I'm not the same person I was before, neither are you." Michael couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was she trying to blame him? Was it his fault? How dare she marry him and then simply fall in love with another man. She wasn't allowed to do that. She'd sworn on her wedding day to stay faithful till the end. It didn't matter that she hadn't fucked him, what she'd done was far worse.

Neela was getting sick of talking to her husband's back, and went to lean over his shoulder in what she hoped would be an affectionate, even cute fashion. However this was at the exact time her husband had finally decided to trust himself to turn around and speak to her. He whipped his head around with a lot of force behind it, as the anger bubbling inside of him evened out. As he turned around, and his wife lent in, this caused Michael to accidentally send a crushing head butt straight into his wife's forehead. A loud crack sound rang out through the apartment, and silence followed. Neela, shocked more than anything, fell back from the force of the head butt, and collapsed in a heap onto the floor behind her. Her eyes were wide as she tried to process what had just happened in her head. Had he just done that on purpose? She honestly didn't know, but one thing she did know was that it was one of the most painful experiences of her life. She slowly lifted her shaking hand up to her head. It was met with a thin river of blood, running down her face. She wiped it away in vain, but the river kept flowing.

Michael took a step back as they hit, but hardly felt any effects. His wife was only tiny, and weighed nothing. He on the other hand was a big guy, and weighed about twice the size of her.

"Neela, I am so sorry, it was an accident-" Michael started, but was interrupted by Neela's wobbling voice.

"Get the hell out of my apartment." She told him, as tears started to pour down her face, mixing with the blood to cause a pink stained, watery, liquid.

Michael opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Neela again. Her voice came out in a squeaky, yet undeniably harsh manner, and even surprised herself.

"Get out, NOW! Before I call the police!" she sobbed loudly, wishing more than anything that Ray would walk through the door that very second and protect her. Michael went to say something again, but gave up, before looking down at the ground and walking out of the apartment in shame. As soon as the door shut, Neela let out a huge cry, and placed her hand up to the would, pushing down hard for pressure.

She wanted more than anything for Ray to be there. She suddenly felt violated, terrified and shocked in her own home.

She reached for the phone that lay next to the sofa on the small brown table, but her hand found only an empty space. She turned her head, to see that not only had the phone been knocked off the table, but the table itself was in a horizontal position on the floor. Neela realised she must have knocked it over when she fell.

Neela sat, her legs askew, blood running down her head as wild sobs escaped her body. Her body shook not only from the cries, but also from the fear of Michael coming back. She wasn't so much scared of him hurting her, she was simply scared of his presence, and what she might say, or even do in it.

_Next chapter includes:_

**_Ray's return&other equally amazing things D_**


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